(source) - "Jurassic World" is about to do battle with "Iron Man" ... and the victor gets a 13-year-old kid.
Ty Simkins is a hot pint-sized commodity in Hollywood. He starred alongside Robert Downey Jr. in "Iron Man 3" ... and he's also set to star in the upcoming dino flick, "Jurassic World."
Ty's "Jurassic" paycheck would dino-soar him to new heights ... $200K base -- according to his contract which was filed with the court. He'll make another $125K if the flick kills. And the sequels would score him $400K minimum for #2 and double that for #3.
Here's the problem .... Marvel -- which produces "Iron Man" -- has locked the kid up for a long time. It has first dibs on 3 sequels ... which could put Ty way past Bar Mitzvah age before he could do "Jurassic." We're guessing the kid is gonna be iron deficient.
So I think I can speak on behalf of the whole Shorts Show when I say fuck this kid, right?
"Oh no, what a tough Wednesday! Do I cut ties with my multi-million dollar franchise, in which all I have to do is be an annoying little kid (like I already am), in order to start anew with another multi-million dollar franchise in which all I'd have to do is be an annoying little kid (which I still am)? Ugh so tough... this was like when I had to decide between Xbox One and PS4... Oh wait, I bought both! I know what I'll do! I'll be in both movies! After all, I'm only on set for like a day or two for each and then they pay me half a million dollars! That's like 1000 Xbox's! Yayyyy!"
Am I hating on a 13 year old? You're god damn right I am. Look, we've put in hours of hard work, hard drinking, and hard dick jokes here at the Shorts Show, and what do we have to show for it? A couple viral videos, a live show in a basement, and a blog site that makes fun of adolescents who are more successful than we are. So I'm sorry, Ty, but get out of my face with your "problems". I'm too busy applying for a second job in order to pay the rent in this absurd real estate market, can't be bothered by 13 year old prodigies doing what I want to do better than I am.
P.S. I'll probably see both movies and help fill his pockets, too. Just... dammit.