NY Daily News - Love makes you do crazy things. A breakup can make things even weirder.
Police say a 16-year-old Florida girl staged her own abduction after she and her boyfriend split up.
Ankita Lavender, of Middleburg, was looking for sympathy after the breakup, Jacksonville's WOKV reports. So two days later, she made up a story about being kidnapped, which set off a massive search.
On Tuesday night, Lavender called her father and told him two men had pulled her into a white truck. Her family alerted police, who issued an Amber Alert and sent 40 officers to look for the teen.
The four-hour search cost between $5,000 and $7,000, Jacksonville's WTEV reports.
Police found her several hours later, lying on her back on the side of a road. She claimed had been thrown from the truck.
But she had no injuries. After overnight questioning, police determined the teen's story was a hoax.
Investigators could file a misdemeanor charge against Lavender for her false police report. Because she's a juvenile, charges against her will not her made public.
Is this girl a genius? Has she figured out some way of dealing with heartbreak that I, or anyone else for that matter, just haven't even fathomed yet? Because I've never been as confused as I am right now after reading that story.
Here's what I think I've gathered from this story. Apparently this girl has been dating this total jerk face who decided to maliciously break her 16 year old heart when he totally knows that they're like so destined for each other and he's just scared to commit but he totally shouldn't be because U + Me = Us*, and, in response to his outlandish actions, she came up with an elaborate plan to fake her own kidnapping in order to garner sympathy from her parents and, one would assume, the community in general.
Uh, okay. Let's break that down a bit: first off, fuck her parents. If she really believes the best way to make her daddy give a shit is to spend thousands of tax dollars and police manpower on finding her fake-kidnapped ass, then clearly that household dynamic needs a review ASAP.
Second of all, get it together with the scratch-free-leap-from-the-truck story. If you're going to commit to this tale, then commit. Not too hard to do, just hop in a cab, pay him 20 bucks to turn away and jump out. Boom. Scrapes and bruises that would sell anyone. Don't half ass it, girl.
And finally, this is such a slight against anyone who drives a white truck. I mean these guys already have to deal with the fact that they're driving the definition of a poor-person vehicle, they shouldn't have to deal with unnecessary kidnapping suspicions to top it off. They're just trying to take their haul to the scrapyard like every other day, let them be (every white truck is utilized for this):
Really, at the end of the day, there is only one word that you need to know to sum up this story perfectly:
* 2ge+her was probably the best joke ever cus it so wasn't a joke. I mean it was, but if that wasn't the exact formula for a boy band in the late 90's/early 2000's then apparently I'm not the boy band aficionado that I have always thought myself to be. This is a banger, end of story: