Tumwater resident, Tom McKennedy, survived a hangover of epic proportions that included headaches, extreme dehydration, projectile vomiting and “the shits”. According to sources close to the 28-year-old electrician Tom survived by using a technique he borrowed from his roommate, Ryan Bedlington.
“What you do is you pop about four or five ibuprofen with a big Gatorade” Bedlington said speaking to reporters Monday. “And the next morning get ready to puke… Like, a lot. ”
Witnesses say around three O’clock the next afternoon a pale and sweaty McKennedy emerged from the bathroom declaring that he was ready for some fast food. “When you can toss down a greasy hamburger or a burrito you’re golden!” Continued Bedlington, “All that’s left to do is take a big dump and rub one out.”
A tired and exhausted McKennedy gave a statement to the press: “I feel pretty lucky to be here. I mean I have never gotten that drunk. I don’t even remember leaving (local bar) the Jack Pit. It was so crazy. I want to apologize to my friends for fighting them, to the bar for not paying my bill. And to that hot foreign chick, sorry about the motorboat. While I was barfing in the bathroom I told God I would never drink again but even He knows I’ll be back at the Jack Pit double fisting Vodka Crans and Jager shots on Tuesdays, cause that’s how I do!”
Since Monday, McKennedy has reportedly “told everyone” about his weekend hangover, often ending the detailed story with a round of unwanted high fives.