by Grant Lancaster
Ancient cave drawings recently found in Baelo Claudio, Spain unequivocally prove prehistoric aborigines were in fact the first known humans to effectively use a full-blown Emoji sentence.
Incredibly well-preserved paintings dating back more than 8 millennia were discovered in Spain last Tuesday inside a cave hidden off a well-known hiking trail.
Castillo Sanchez (39), an unsuspecting explorer from Seville, was just minding his own business taking photographs by himself on vacation, but he was never prepared for what he found next...
“I was just on vacation, minding my own business taking photos by myself, but I was never prepared for what I found next...” said Castillo.
Next thing he knew he was face-to-face quite possibly the most important archeological discovery of his lifetime, and literally shit his pants.
“I just shit my pants. Literally I stood there and just shat myself, and I could do nothing about it.”
He didn't know at the time, but this discovery would prove to be an invaluable step toward ongoing scientific efforts to verify the true origin of the highly complex Emoji language currently sweeping the modern world.
Oxford University Anthropologist Jacques Salamanca was the first actual scientist to arrive at the cave site for proper analysis.
"Upon first sight it looked like just another cave painting from the Prehistoric Era, but when I looked closer, I was shocked to find actual Emojis scattered among the artwork in what appeared to be the first full emoji sentence. I immediately texted my contact at UNESCO and told them what I found."
John Coswick, a professor at Yale for paleolithic-prehistoric artwork, translates the message using a key recently developed for the popular online website Buzzfeed, a key that was featured in their highly successful article, “17 Emojis Finally Defined That You Thought You Knew The Definition Of, But Actually Dont And Wont Believe What They Actually Mean When You Find Out.”
"Its rather obvious that this ancient human was communicating with emojis", John said in a super-hot exclusive interview with The Shorts Show. "From what I can deduce using this new highly developed Emoji key, it seems as though this painter was trying to say, 'I’m dizzy because of animals, high five, praise Hosanna.'"
Molly McDouglas, a 12-year-old girl from Springcreek, Missouri and famous author of the blog "Molly Knows Best", weighs in on the subject.
"It's like so totally obvious that's not what it means. I mean like, first of all that's not even a high five symbol, that's totes a raised hand, duh. The high five symbol is with two hands and it has blue water splashing out of the fingertips, everyone knows that. Besides like, that would mean there were three hands participating in a single high five? Like honestly who does that?!", Molly told us as she simultaneously tweeted #JohnCoswickCanSuckIt @MollyKnowsBest from her pink Samsung Galaxy 5.
"I think this painting actually represents the very first ever in the whole-wide-world full-blown Emoji conversation. What this painter was trying to say was, 'Lets play darts! Who's a turtle? I am, I am, I am."
The exact location of the cave is being kept a secret until the paintings can be properly protected and preserved, UNESCO reported.