Valdelucio Goncalves may have died from a heart attack, but it's his brother who will likely need a heart checkup after finding his supposedly deceased sibling alive in a body bag.
Doctors declared Goncalves, 54, dead in Salvador, Brazil after "respiratory and multiple organ failure," the Daily Mail reported this week. His family was notified and made arrangements for the funeral later that day. Goncalves' brother, Walterio, was let into the morgue to dress the body when he noticed something weird.
"As I got closer I could see it wriggling. Then I saw it raising and falling as if he was breathing," he told the Mirror. "I went crazy and shouted for the medical team, the nurse, so they could see what was happening. They checked him and confirmed that he was still alive."
The staff had to rush to free him; his body had been tied up and his nose and ears were filled with cotton wool, according to the BBC. The Menandro de Farias Hospital, whose doctors declared Goncalves dead, has launched an investigation.
His niece, Patricia Cintra, told local newspaper Correio 24 Horas that the family was not only mortified -- they'd paid for everything.
"We had even bought a coffin and paid a deposit for the funeral," she said.
Still, she said her prayers had been answered when she found out her uncle was alive. He was diagnosed with terminal cancer three months before the heart attacks. Goncalves can't speak, but he wrote a letter claiming that he was brought back from death by a Brazilian saint.
"I, Valdelucio, saw death at my feet, but my faith was so great that I was cured," he wrote, according to the Daily Mail. "Before Irma Dulce I said, do a miracle in me, and she heard my prayer. I saw my mother telling me, son, hold onto her and you will be saved."
3 possible scenarios here:
1) Family betrayal gone wrong - Somebody in this bitch wanted Valdelucio dead. My bet is on the brother. Probably came in to rub it in his face how he poisoned him in to cardiac arrest, and now will be taking all of his money and women. Then next thing you know, little brother starts moving around right before the damn funeral starts and now you've gotta play it all cool like "oh, awesome! You're alive, that's so... that's so awesome. That's why I came in, I had like a brotherly hunch.... Awesome."... Also, Walterio just so sounds like an evil brother name.
2) Hospital Conspiracy - This had to have been some Brazilian Black Market organ removal gone wrong, right? Like, they fake announced him dead to steal his organs without his family asking questions, but then some noob nurse who wasn't privy to the plan actually wheeled him to the morgue like an asshole, and next thing you know you're facing a malpractice suit. Better get to harvesting some more organs, people. That ain't gonna be a cheap trial.
3) Divine Intervention - This is a total "I believe him yo. I don't know why but I do" situation. I mean dude can't even talk, he's writing this shit down, and perfectly describing seeing his mother and listening to her tell him to follow some weird old lady, who was apparently an angel named Irma, back to the light. Look, I'm not saying this proves there's an afterlife, but he was writing it. And if blogging has taught me anything, it's that if you write it, it totally makes it true. So just remember to make good with Irma before your brother tries to kill you or you end up in the middle of a black market organ removal disaster.
P.S. If you didn't immediately think of that Monty Python scene when you read this then I'm sorry about your childhood.