5 more days. In 5 more days football will be no more. In 5 more days, every Sunday will feel like last Sunday did (which was like the weirdest day ever with no games on) until September. Boring, useless, depressingly close to Monday. With that said, in 4 more days we have the biggest game of the year to enjoy, and yesterday was the NFL's chance to continue to exploit our unquenchable thirst for football with good old Media Day. Frankly, Media Day sucks. It's the biggest load of bullshit ever. Just the most mundane and boring cookie cutter questions and responses, sprinkled a bunch of ridiculously stupid and usually stupider responses. Yet I, like I'm sure many of you did as well especially with yesterday being a snow day for most, watched pretty much every second of it. Hating myself the whole time, like an obese serial eater crying over a tub of ice cream as he continues to shovel more down his throat. That's my relationship with Media Day, and really the NFL in general. So let's take a look at how eventful (read: stupid) yesterday's Media Day was!
1. Marshawn Doin Marshawn
I love this guy. I know a lot of people are tired of this schtick and think he's weird or whatever, but I'm all about it. I don't need the stupid cookie cutter question and answer about how "this is a team game" and how "it's gonna be a battle and we respect them" and yada yada. Who gives a shit. Marshawn's just here so he won't get fined, so that's what he's gonna say. Honest and pretty hilarious, really. Plus, if you can run over humans like he does then I don't care what he's saying, I want him on my team. Best part of Media Day, I thought.
2. Gronk Is The Man
For those of you who don't know what this is from, that would of course be the New York Times Best-Seller, A Gronking To Remember. Which is is actually a real life book written by a real person. I'll say this about Gronk: I appreciate that he seems to take full advantage of his situation. He understands that he's in a unique position to pretty much have the most fun of anyone ever, what with being the best TE in football, a multi millionaire and a physical anomaly of a man, and he's pretty much living up to that 24/7. If you have an erotica novel written about you spiking a football in to a girls butt crack in front of the entire world, then you sir have made it.
3. Bob Kraft Has Huge Testicles
Probably the biggest quote from yesterday. Bob Kraft basically flipping Deflategate on it's head and demanding the NFL apologize to the Patriots for calling them cheaters with no proof. Big balls move for sure. We haven't really talked about Deflategate much on the blog, so here's my piece on what Kraft said and the situation as a whole: on the one hand, I think it's a risky play to say what he did given that there is still a distinct possibility that the NFL finds some evidence that will be damning to the Pats, on the other hand, I say good on Bob for saying this because who gives a shit? First off, he, Tom and Bill may be telling the truth here. I personally don't think they are, at least not 100%, but it's a possibility. Second off, even if they did, I don't care cus all I've seen since this whole thing started is how apparently everyone does shit like this. Every old QB and their mom, including the great Joe Montana, has come out of the woodwork to describe how they just thought this was standard procedure. Even Aaron Rodgers said he fucks with his balls all the time, just in the opposite way. So why do we care so much? It's obviously cus it's the Pats, and everyone wants to see them fall since they win a lot and have a checkered history with cheating. And while I hate the Pats too, I can look myself in the mirror and admit it's purely out of jealousy. 3 rings in the last 15 years? I want that. I hate who has that. Therefore, I hate the Pats, but I'm not going to take it so far as to say they deserve to be punished for some stupid deflating balls situation, and frankly, anyone who does is just letting the jealousy overtake their brain. At the end of the day, the two best teams in football are in the Super Bowl and we should be getting pumped up about a great game. Pun so intended.
4. Michael Bennett Won Best Hat
I don't know if he knew there wasn't an actual contest, but he definitely won so good work. Also, further feeds my confusion over who to bet on. Like I said earlier, my gut says Patriots but this laid back attitude that Seattle is displaying? Between this hat and the Beast Mode weed strain, it's just exuding a confidence that I don't know if I can ignore.
5. Tickets For This Stupid Thing Were $28
No picture or video for that, just a fact that is beyond ridiculous. $28 to stand in the stands of a stadium in which nothing is happening other than a bunch of "reporters" asking people questions about a game that is going to take place at the end of the week. And the place was sold out! People scalping tickets even! The NFL has us by the balls and it knows it.
So there you have it. A completely meaningless post about a completely meaningless day. But again, in 5 days we start non-football season, so I will take meaningless anything if it keeps my football fix going for just a moment longer. I think I have a problem. Oh, and obligatory video to end it: