So much Florida, so little time. First, let's start with the Pats Tattoo Head guy:
(source) - Wonder if this guy’s pride is currently deflated. Victor Thompson, whose head is thoroughly covered in New England Patriots tattoos, had an arrest warrant issued by a Florida judge after failing to show up in court on Thursday, The Smoking Gun reports. The 46-year-old, who is facing a charge of felony narcotics possession, had also skipped out on a hearing about the case on January 8. Thompson’s tats — which include the brand name of Tom Brady’s helmet plastered across his forehead — have helped him make headlines before.
Thompson was arrested in St. Petersburg, Florida in September for possession of Spice, or synthetic marijuana. Thompson allegedly told cops he thought it was OK to have the fake weed because it was legal in his home state of New Hampshire and he had only been in Florida for three weeks, according to WMUR. However, synthetic marijuana has actually been illegal in New Hampshire since 2011. He pleaded “no contest” to the charge in early January and had to pay a $118 fine. The synthetic marijuana case is not related to his present charges of felony narcotics possession.
The hardcore Patriots fan also appeared on TV back in 2008 to talk about his ink:
"I was watching the game, and I said, ‘I want my head to look like Tom Brady’s helmet,'" he told WMUR-TV.
Woo. Lot goin on here. Let's start with the tats. When you make a life altering decision to forever change your appearance, you may not want to be in watching-football-with-the-guys mode. Not many good decisions are made in that mode. The amount of money I've lost in shitty bets I've laid surrounded by guys telling me "yeah that's a good idea" could probably have bought me a car. At the very least an Xbox One. Also dude, I appreciate you wanting to adjust your appearance to be more similar to Tom Brady's, but let him take his helmet off before you start tweaking your skull. Maybe get a nose job, some hair plugs. Get your Ugg game on, I dunno I just think that going straight for Brady's helmet is a pretty big settle.
Now, as for the getting arrested part. First of all, SHOCKING that Florida police are giving this guy a hard time for synthetic weed. This is why Florida is Florida. They've got dudes on bath salts eating people and the cops are arresting people for fake pot. Gotta love Florida justice. Second, love the "but mom, dad said I could do it" argument. We've all pulled what this guy tried to do, deflect blame by saying that somebody else said it was okay, only nobody ever said it was actually okay. Guess New Hampshire actually wasn't as laid back as he thought. Sometimes it backfires, but the effort is appreciated.
Now, on to the Pee Guy:
(source) - A waitress in Key West, Florida has a real reason to be pissed after a man allegedly urinated on her from a bar balcony early Saturday morning. Tia Cruz, 26, was talking with a customer at a bar called Rick's when she felt something wet on her body, according to The Smoking Gun. A fellow employee broke the news that what she thought was a few drops of tropical rain was actually a man urinating on her from a balcony above her.
The alleged urinator, Orion Jones, 20, was chased throughout the bar complex by security personnel, KeysNet.com reports. When officers arrived, Jones was fighting bouncers on the ground. When the bouncers released Jones, he temporarily escaped police custody by running down the street. He was taken into custody after officers used a stun gun on him twice, according to the New York Daily News. Jones has been charged with disorderly intoxication and resisting arrest. The arresting officer wrote in his police report that the suspect "expressed his desire to seek help for his alcohol problem.”
Gotta start with the name. Orion carries a lot of weight with it, and clearly this guy can't handle the pressure. And I don't even blame him, fuck his parents really. These idiots decided that their young Floridian baby was able to live up to the name of the greatest hunter in Greek mythology? The one with the belt? Give me a break, assholes. Stick to something more Florida, like Travis. Travis is a good Florida name that can get away with peeing on waitresses and fighting bouncers because he's fuckin Travis. That guy's always a drunk asshole. But Orion? Orion can't bee displaying this type of lurid behavior. He must command respect.
Having said that, mad respect for taking two stun gun shots before going down. I guess if you're gonna be the dickhead then go full out, and nothing says "left it all on the field" like breaking out of custody before wearing two tazer shots. I'll give you that, Orion. Impressive work. Travis couldn't do that.
So there you go, a great double look at our country's favorite state and model of sophistication and class: Florida.