Social media lit up on Saturday night with reports of streaking lights across the skies from California to Arizona, but the phenomenon turned out to be a Navy missile test flight launched off the southern California coast, the Pentagon said.
A Pentagon public affairs spokesman said a U.S. Navy Strategic Systems Programs Trident II (D5) missile test flight was conducted at sea from the USS Kentucky, in the Pacific Test Range off the coast of Southern California. Users of social media platforms such as Twitter and Facebook posted photos, comments and video of the lights, wondering whether they might have come from everything from a meteor to a UFO.
The tests of the unarmed missile were part of a scheduled, on-going system evaluation test, according to the spokesman, Commander Ryan Perry. Such launches are conducted on a frequent, recurring basis to ensure the continued reliability of the system, Perry said, as well as to provide systems information and assurances of their capabilities.
Because information regarding the test launch of Trident II (D5) missiles is classified prior to the launch, such missile testing is not routinely announced, he noted.
Hey the blog's back! Sorry for the hiatus, we've been working hard on a live comedy show (if you haven't seen it and you live in NYC, well really what the fuck are you doing? It's a monthly show at the PIT, 24th between Park and Lex, here's a link to the December show: https://thepit-nyc.com/event/the-shorts-show-4, so basically if you don't come now then you're just a jerk) and haven't had the free time, but we're back and should be a regular daily nuisance to your various social media feeds going forward. Anyway, on to this UFO.
Let's just get this out of the way: that's a UFO (is it an UFO? Sounds weird phonetically but like, unidentified starts with a vowel so you fuckin tell me genius). I don't care what kind of snake oil Commander Perry is trying to sell me, I've seen movies, even Naval movies (Top Gun, duh)*, in which missiles are launched, and I ain't never seen a missile that just sort of hovers in one place and then gets real blue and shit. That's alien, has to be.
"But haven't you heard of relativity? That thing's so far away so even though it looks like it's hovering it's actually moving incredibly fast. Also, that blue trail is probably just some kind of reflection from light hitting the chemical trail of the missile, emmitting a color we perceive as blue. And finally, if you really look close, there's pretty clearly a missile like structure at the head of it all, confirming that it is, in fact, what is causing all of the crazy light effects."
First off, suck a fattie, nerd. Second off, if you were an alien, isn't that exactly what you'd make your UFO look like and do so that nerds like you would write it off as just a weird science thing? And third off, isn't that the excuse you'd come up with as a military body to try and hide from the people that there's a real life alien threat out there that's probably here to do butt stuff with everyone? Yeah, not so smart now are you, dickweed? (Walks back to the bar and gives a couple casual fives to the rest of the boys. Drinks his beer while they all snicker)
So now that we know we're dealing with aliens, I guess the only question is: is this a shock to you or were already an "aliens exist" person? Personally, I have always been on the fence. More in the "I mean if we're being pragmatic then yes, there's probably aliens somewhere else in the infinite universe" camp. But it is truly fascinating to talk to people who are firmly in the "no fuck you, they're real and they're here already" camp. I've got a couple friends who are strong representatives of said group and it's pretty crazy to talk to them about it, mostly because if they're well researched, none of it is that far-fetched. Like there are plenty of sources and strange interviews from some pretty important government officials that these "alien" people can show you that, at the very least, will make you stop and think. And if you're a reasonable person, it's pretty impossible to outright say they're wrong (I'm too lazy to post links, just bing it like everyone else). So now that this comes out, I consider myself a new member of the "fuck you cus aliens" camp, and it really just makes me wonder how far this goes? What aren't they telling us, dammit? Was Katy Perry being literal? Is that why Kim K's ass is... Kim K's ass? Trump?!
Fuck, this opens too many doors for me. You know what? Let's just get high and watch Top Gun. Let the nerds worry about Katy, Kim and Donnie. Super in to watching Goose, Mav and the Ice Man for some reason.
P.S. If my argument didn't convince you nerds, then I'll put it to you like this: who are you gonna trust? Some shady government official or these two:
That guy's beard is perfectly trimmed, and she's fucking living. What else are you looking for?
* By the way, no, Top Gun is not about the Air Force. Google it, asshole.