I've been writing this blog for over a year now, and if there's one thing you can always count on it's that Florida will never cease to be a source of excellent material. This isn't the first time we've done a 2 for 1 Florida Special and I'm sure it won't be the last, so without further ado, here are today's best "Oh That's Just Florida" stories:
1. Chick Gets Busted For Posing As A Nurse... Just For Like A Year, Though
(source) - Cops say an impostor nurse's alleged deception was simple: All she had to do was act the part. A Sarasota woman faces felony charges after she allegedly posed as a nurse at a clinic for more than a year. Kristina Marie Balen is accused of practicing medicine without a license. Cops say she lied to her employer, Sarasota Arthritis Center, and fooled everyone who worked there into thinking she was a registered nurse, when in fact she had no medical training -- she didn't even have a college degree.
An office manager uncovered Balen's alleged deception in late February, while investigating the theft of $1,800 in medical supplies. Although Balen has not been accused of stealing supplies, the manager discovered that she did not have a valid RN license through the health department, according to WTSP. But apparently that didn't stop her from administering medication and flu shots, and dispensing medical advice to patients. "Her goal was she wanted to be a registered nurse, and that when she found out people would believe it, she just went with it," Sarasota Police Department spokesperson Genevieve Judge told WFLA. "It's very scary, it's very bold."
Sarasota police arrested Balen Mar. 6. She faces felony charges of unlicensed practice of a healthcare profession and criminal use of personal information. Police are now questioning the managers who hired Balen. WFLA contacted Balen for comment. She told them that the incident was a "mix up with license paperwork," then hung up on a reporter. RN licenses are public record and can be searched on the state health department website. Oddly, it appears no one at Sarasota Arthritis Center thought to do that before.
Now this is actually a surprising Florida story, at least in some ways. This lady actually sounds pretty smart. Like some Catch Me If You Can kind of shit. A female Frank Abignale Jr., if you will. Who knows where she would've gone next had she not gotten caught. Police officer? Sports agent? Master Chef? Who fuckin knows, she just understands that confidence is everything. You look the part you get the part, everyone knows this. And you know what? I bet she would've kept getting away with it too if some junkie in her office didn't go stealing the medical supplies. Absolutely zero chance that was her, she has a much greater end game in mind. She was probably freaking out when fucking Gary stole some syringes to get high and sell to his friends, knowing that his dumbass was gonna get her found out. Fuck, Gary, get some help, man.
Now where this is still a Florida story is in the failure on the Sarasota Arthritis Center to check her credentials. I know I said look the part play the part, but come on SAC, in this day and age it's pretty much not a thing to just not do a background check in the medical profession. Who fuckin does that? She just looked pleasant and bubbly and said she was a nurse, so you hire her no questions asked? And since it's Florida, I don't even think this was malicious! I'm sure there's some argument to be made that they probably saved money on her somehow and somebody intentionally didn't check or she had a friend in the right place, etc. etc. But no chance on this one. Somebody interviewed her, left and said "wow she was great! Well we are definitel.... oh shit! I forgot her paperwork.... ah fuck it she was the best. Nothing to worry about there." Thought it was no big deal. Probably still shocked that it's really even an issue now. So close to not being a Florida move and yet... still a Florida move.
2. Truck Carrying $85 G's Worth Of Mozzarella Cheese Gets Jacked
(source) - SUMMERFIELD, Fla. (AP) — Hold the cheese. Thieves made off with a refrigerated tractor-trailer filled with $85,000 worth of shredded mozzarella cheese bound for a Hungry Howies Pizza distribution center in central Florida.The truck was reported stolen Sunday.
The Ocala Star-Banner (http://bit.ly/1E8g2vd) reports the driver and his girlfriend left the trailer at a truck stop in Summerfield on Saturday evening while having a mechanic check the truck. Marion County Sheriff's officials say the woman reported the truck was missing Sunday. Deputies say a hauler was also reported missing from the lot Saturday, presumably to take the trailer.
The missing trailer has white mud flaps with "Hudsonville Trailer Sales" on them. It also has a Michigan license plate. The trailer is valued at $62,000.
Now this is more like it.
There's no way that this robbery was planned. This has broken play written all over it. Nobody sets out to steal a cheese truck, it just happens if you stay aware. Like this group of robbers got together to do a big heist or something, but when they got to their location something was off. Something in the plan didn't fit. Camera wires weren't cut, phone lines weren't down, shit like that. But see, this is where these guys go full Russell Wilson and get their feet scrambling while keeping their eyes looking down field. The big play is there if you stay patient, and these guys found it in this cheese truck just sitting in the truck stop parking lot across the street. $85K in cheese and $62K for the trailer itself? That's like a billion dollars! Maybe they had a good play called, but when things break down and it's time to improvise, you have to be impressed with this group's tenacity and willingness to stick with it and make something big happen.
Oh and since when is it cool for truck drivers to have girlfriends, let alone take them with them on trips? What, you new or something, guy? Every truck driver is divorced and lonely, drinks his family away when he gets a chance, gets and receives handies from his fellow drivers on the reg, etc. If you aren't down with that, then find a new career, asshole. This guy deserved to get his truck taken. Clearly wasn't ready for the road life.
And there you have it, two great pieces from our finest state. Another day, same Florida. Here's to hoping it always stays true to itself.