(source) - Some men just want to watch the world burn. Police in Akron, Ohio are desperately searching for a serial poopetrator who has been terrorizing residents by pooping on -- and sometimes even in -- unsuspecting victims' cars. Since 2012, Akron police have received at least 19 reports of feces appearing on the hoods and handles of residents' cars, Lt. Rick Edwards told the Huffington Post. Those unlucky enough to have unlocked doors receive an even worse surprise.
One brave hero has had enough, and set up a camera to flush out the suspect. "He messed with the wrong guy," the unidentified man told Cleveland.com on Wednesday. Since last October, his daughter's car has been defecated on six times, prompting the man to set up a camera that took photos every 12 seconds for two weeks. Finally, around 4 a.m. on Tuesday, the diligent investigator captured a photo of a man with a deer-in-the-headlights look, pants halfway down, marking his territory.
Edwards said that crime analysts went through department databases to see if others had complained about the pooper, only to find a trove of complaints dating back at least two years. Records obtained by the Huffington Post detail some of those calls: In May of 2012, an "unknown suspect defecated on the passenger side door and quarter panel. The excrement did not cause any damage but it did cause a big mess. The victim stated this is the second time this has occurred but she didn't report it the first time."
In October of 2013, a "victim said that an unknown suspect put feces onto the hood of her vehicle. This is the third time this has happened." Just three months later: "Reporter states that an unknown suspect defecated on her daughter's car. She states this is the third time this has happened." In 2014, a victim said that an unknown suspect "defecated on the hood of his car and then smeared it all over the hood and door handle. This is the sixth time this has happened."
The list goes on.
Sometimes the internet just hands you something that completely speaks for itself. Dude goin around shitting on cars for fun. Hilarious.
But seriously, if you have any relatives in Akron please make sure they are safe. I wrote last week about how miserable it is to deal with the smell of a homeless person on your commute to work, can't even imagine the type of blow it would be if you had to physically wipe another human's feces off of your car door handle before you even start your day. Thoughts and prayers, stay safe, Akron. May you your Purell run like a raging river.
P.S. Do we know if he pooped on Lebron's car? He totally should poop on Lebron's car. That would be classic stuff.