Phyllis Jefferson's temper may be as hot as her salsa. Police in Akron, Ohio, said Jefferson, 50, allegedly stabbed her boyfriend in the groin with a pen Sunday evening after he ate all the salsa in their house, Cleveland.com reports. Jefferson's boyfriend, Ronnie D. Bucker, 61, told police that he and the accused were arguing about the salsa consumption when she allegedly stabbed him with the pen. The suspect then walked over to the TV and threatened to knock it on the floor, according to Ohio.com. When Buckner grabbed the TV, Jefferson allegedly walked to the kitchen to grab a knife and used it to cut him in the stomach.
Jefferson fled the scene while Buckner called 911. Responding officers found him on the floor clutching his stomach, Fox8.com reports.
Buckner was taken to a nearby hospital and treated for injuries that were believed to be non-life threatening. Jefferson was arrested a short time when officers pulled her over on the highway. She allegedly admitted to stabbing Buckner and said she did it "because she wanted to leave." Jefferson was charged with felonious assault and criminal damaging and booked into the Summit County Jail, according to WKYC TV.
What, that's it?! That's the whole story?! Uh hey news people, how about answering the important question here: what kind of fucking salsa was it? What brand are we dealing with here? I mean, if it's just regular old Tostitos chunky then this lady should be locked up ASAP, but if this was some high quality shit like Santa Barbara Salsa Co. or Deception Salsa*, maybe some sort of ballin ass flavor like mango peach or tomato jalapeno? Well then sorry bro, but you best keep away from that shit if you don't want a knife (pen) in the dick. Cus really, there's no other response for eating all the salsa if it's good salsa. That's an act of war that deserves swift retaliation. If you think about it logically, what choice did she have?
You know that chips and salsa craving. That feeling in your stomach when you just get done work and you haven't eaten in forever but it's too early for dinner, that can only be quelled by salty tortilla smothered in a high quality salsa product. Now picture that feeling being ruthlessly stripped away from you. What is your brain left with? Exactly, a vivid image of stabbing the perpetrator in his grundle. So get the facts before you go reporting stories like this, news people. Irresponsible to not give us all the info just to paint this woman a monster...
Unless it was just Tostitos. Then seriously, lock her ass up.
* If you haven't tried Deception Salsa, do it. I consider myself a salsa connoisseur of sorts, and this shit is the best. Sweet, spicy, awesome. And if anyone from Deception sees this, then you have the Shorts Show's backing and we would love to get a package of your products. That's totally cool if you want to send some shit. Here's their link if you want it: http://deceptionsalsa.com/