(CNN) Welcome to the first of April. It's like Super Bowl Sunday for dad jokes, a day when we can all wake up, fire up the internet, and sigh a collective groan at the barrage of cringe-worthy pranks, tall tales and PR stunts conjured up by desperate media companies and junior brand creatives across the world.
We'll be here as long as we can take it today, face-palming ourselves into oblivion as we catalog the good, the bad and the ugly of April Fools' Day 2015.
If you see anything worth mentioning, let us know in the comments.
April Fool's Day. What a weird fucking idea: let's have a day where we just do shit, like whatever we want, and then say "April Fool's" afterward so it's all cool. I mean, part of me understands the premise, part of me thinks it's just a classic wild card move, and nobody needs a wild card in their group.
So far today, beyond the stories in the CNN story above, I've heard of a boyfriend breaking up with his girlfriend in response to her prank-breaking up with him, I've seen NFL players fake admit to fake DUIs, and a Politician fake announcing fake huge news only to end up giving the Wisconsin Badgers his endorsement in the Final Four. It's just pure chaos out there. April Fool's is like our real life version of the Purge. I'm just waiting for somebody to murder a dude and be like, "no it's cool, April Fool's he totally told me to kill him as a prank. Gotcha guys!" And you know what? The way we revere this weird ass day, I'm not surprised if it works*!
Keep your head on a swivel today, folks. Don't trust anyone. I mean it, those closest to you are your worst enemies on this terrible day. Just lock your doors and put in an old DVD (no Netflix or HBO, too susceptible to trickery), and pray that you wake up to a new day of reason and learnedness** in the morning.
* I am, of course, assuming this happens in Florida. That was supposed to be an obvious caveat, but just in case it needed to be pointed out, that "prank" only flies in Florida.
** Learnedness isn't a word? Huh. Learn somethin new every day.