Sup ya'll. Sorry the blog posting has been erratic to say the least recently, but tax season got real real on this side of the computer. Now that that's over, I got some new plans for the blog that I'm introducing today! We're gonna make it a different theme for every day of the week, something like this:
Monday - Hey it's Monday, Wanna See.... (I've already been doing this one, just posting some wild video and giving my awesome observations on it for you)
Tuesday - True Crime Tuesday (Simple, find the weirdest real crime story of the week and investigate it more thoroughly than it should be investigated)
Wednesday - Whatevs Wednesday (This is what we're starting with today, a day where we look at whatever it is that I find interesting that day, usually some cool science-y story or somethin like that)
Thursday - Thank God It's... Ah Shit It's Still Thursday, But... (It's a working title, but I kinda like it so maybe I'll just make it an acronym, TGIASISTB. Yeah, way better. Anyway, this will be a blog dedicated to getting you through the last day until the weekend. A fun partying video perhaps? A look back at an old beloved song/music video maybe? Pictures of hot people potentially? Basically just something to get you ready to drink that coming weekend. Simple enough)
Friday - Forgot About That Friday (Our version of throwback Thursday, but we're doing it on Friday cus fuck you, society. Just a look back at an old sketch of ours or a funny blog that should've been seen by more people (read: every blog I wrote in the past), a way to remind the people of the Shorts Show's strength and prowess.)
So that's the new format from here on out. Gives it a little more organization and a schedule/routine to satisfy your incessant, "oh I can't survive unless my whole life is on a schedule!", pretentious needs. Without further ado... Whatevs Wednesday!
Science News - Mysterious radio signals detected by the Parkes telescope appear to come from an advanced civilization in the Milky Way. Unfortunately, it’s the one civilization we already know about.
Microwave ovens opened before they’re done cooking have been muddling the hunt for far more distant radio signals, researchers report online April 9 at arXiv.org. Astronomers have had to contend with enigmatic flares dubbed “perytons” ever since discovering equally puzzling fast radio bursts, or FRBs (SN: 8/9/14, p. 22), in 2007. Perytons and FRBs are quite similar, except that astronomers realized that perytons originate on Earth, possibly from some meteorological phenomenon, while FRBs come from other galaxies.
Three perytons in January coincided with independently detected blasts of 2.4 gigahertz radio waves — the same frequency that microwave ovens use to heat food. So researchers at the Parkes telescope in Australia spent weeks heating mugs of water while moving the massive radio dish around the sky, trying to re-create the phenomenon. Finally, researchers tried opening the oven door mid-cooking instead of letting the timer run out. Suddenly, perytons started showing up in the data.
The source of the galactic FRBs remain an intriguing mystery. Astronomers suspect they have something to do with imploding neutron stars or eruptions on magnetars. At this point, however, they might want to consider extraterrestrials nuking frozen pizzas.
Well that sucks. I feel like it was just last week that people were getting all excited cus astronomers were all like, "okay guys, everyone try to stay cool... but we're getting all these radio signals in our space radio transmitter* and we don't know where or who the fuck they're coming from. I'm not saying it's aliens!... But I'm not NOT saying it's aliens..." Well guess what Mr. over-zealous lab nerd interning for the fake astronomer group that I just made up? It's not fucking aliens. It's college kids and twenty-somethings who don't give a shit if their ramen is a little crunchier cus they like it that way, fuck your box directions. It's single moms who don't have time to wait for the chicken nuggets to cook through, the kids want their fuckin nuggets now! It's the drunk high school kid who's trying to cook that late night Elio's without the fucking microwave blowing up his spot and waking the rents up by incessantly beeping upon cooking completion. Basically it's any and all of us who have opened the microwave a little early at some point in the last few weeks.
So thanks for getting my hopes up, science. Here I was, about to pop in Independence Day for the 3rd time this week in preparation for our soon-to-be close encounter, and instead I'm left with an extra-terrestrial-free solar system and a weird craving for Elio's....
On second thought, I'm definitely popping in Independence Day again. Nothing like watching Will Smith welcoming aliens to Earf while enjoying some microwave pizza. So that's what I'll be doing for the foreseeable future. Meanwhile, science, I expect you to get your shit together and start getting some real fuckin aliens on the radio waves. You have 145 minutes until I'll be bored again and expecting us to make alien contact, so get on it.
* I know they said the telescope picked up on the radio waves, but telescopes can't do that in my brain, so I'm gonna go with space radio transmitter. Way cooler to think that exists.