Everyone knows that skin milk is worse than 2 percent. A Mechanicsville, Maryland, woman faces charges of felony contaminating and second-degree assault after police say she tainted her roommate's milk with pieces of her skin on May 4. Sarah Schrock, 56, is accused of putting skin shavings in a container of milk, which was then consumed by her roommate and one other victim.
From a release posted on the blog of the St. Mary's County Sheriff's Office:
After one of the victim's [sic] swallowed some of the milk, she began to choke on a substance in the milk. She then coughed up the substance and discovered what appeared to be human skin ... They subsequently poured the remainder of the milk into a strainer and found what appeared to be human skin shavings in the milk container.
The roommate told police that Schrock keeps foot shavings in a tray in her room, according to WECT. The incident transpired several days after Schrock was served a peace order on May 1. Her roommate was protected by the order, and Schrock was arrested for violating it two days later.
"There appeared to be ongoing problems between the occupants of the home which led to the peace order and Schrock's arrests," Sgt. Cara Grumbles of the St. Mary's County Sheriff's Office told The Huffington Post.
Grumbles said she did not know whether the alleged milk tainting was perpetrated as retribution for the peace order.
So we kill her, right? I mean, what other option is there? These are the actions of a raving psychopath hellbent on suffering and pain, rehabilition is not in the cards here. I'm not a death penalty guy, pretty firmly against it, but the day you start putting your foot skin flakes in to my milk is the day I start throwing some support to the righties. Hell I say scrap the whole judicial system on this one. No lawyers, no trials, just cold hard judgement. Death judgement.
Look, if you go back to my blog from Monday then you know that I'm a milk guy. Always have been, always will be. Organic Valley 1% to me is what I think crack must feel like to junkies. So I know going in to this that I'm representing a very specific group of milk lovers when I call for such a harsh punishment, but I stand by it and here's why:
1) you don't have to be a full on milk person to still vomit over the idea of foot skin coating your cereal* or going in your coffee, cus that's scary gross. I'm serious, like I could actually see that as a story in one of those "Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark" books -
the boy yawned and stretched as he came down the stairs that morning. He looked at the clock. 7:15am, just enough time for some cereal before I have to run to the bus, he thought. He reached in to the pantry for his favorite cereal, Frosted Flakes, and poured a hearty amount in to his favorite bowl. He grabbed his favorite spoon and went to the refrigerator for his favorite milk, sat down on his favorite stool and began to pour. But something wasn't right. Something else was coming out of the carton. Something awful that he knew he'd seen before, but where? Suddenly, his bitchy-ass roommate, Sarah, came storming down the stairs, laughing manaically. The boy turned his terrified gaze to her as she raised her foot in the air, revealing a giant skinless patch. As she laughed and laughed, she lifted her big toe in the direction of the milk carton and shouted, "how do those extra flakes taste, bitch!" The boy cried and screamed, "NOOO!! I'm only 10 why do I have a roommateeee, my parents hate meeee..."
... Or something like that. Anyway, point is it's horifically nasty.
2) What kind of creature keeps their foot skin shavings?! No human I know, that's for sure. For starters, most humans don't even have, nor should they have, a plethora of foot skin flakes of which to collect. So not only is this "woman" like falling apart, she's making a collectible set or putting together a scrapbook or something even weirder with these skin flakes!
No, I say. I vote she ain't no human, can't be, therefore she doesn't fall under our normal laws. So please, do what's right for our species and our dairy and sign the petition** below to get this thing put down, because the last thing this world needs is a disgusting alien who collects her own foot skin contaminating our beloved milk products.
* Side note: it actually is one of the grossest things ever to pour a glass of milk or bowl of cereal and see it come out curdled. It's like an insta gag thing. You see the lumps and hear the "plop" and there's no way you don't get a little pukey... Now imagine those lumps are foot skin.
** there's no petition. But I guess you can leave a comment on Facebook?