A man named Bear got revenge on the gator that killed his fellow Texan. The Orange, Texas, man — who only identified himself as “Bear” — shot and killed an 11-foot alligator in Burkart's Marina Monday because he believed it was the beast that ate Tommie Woodward last week.
Woodward, 28, jumped into the gator-infested waters Friday after yelling, “F--k that alligator!” He was immediately bitten and killed, officials said. Bear showed up on Monday to serve up justice, he said.
“He had to go,” he told the Houston Chronicle. “That's what happens when you kill someone.”
Bear shot the creature in the head and dragged it to the water, game wardens said. When the wildlife officials cut open the alligator Monday, they found some of Woodward’s remains inside its belly. Killing an alligator is a class C misdemeanor in Texas, and can carry a fine up to $500, said Capt. Rod Ousley, of the Texas Department of Parks and Wildlife. It’s not clear if Bear will face charges. Woodward dove into the bayou early Friday morning, ignoring a “No Swimming: Alligators” sign, officials said.
Moments before he jumped in, he told the staff that was closing up the marina’s restaurant for the night that he was going to go for a dip. The marina staffers begs him not to go swimming, but he yelled, “F--k that alligator!” and jumped in, witnesses said. The unidentified woman he was with started screaming for help when the alligator attacked.
"Next thing I know this girl is screaming and an alligator's got him," Marina employee Michelle Wright told KDFM. "I saw his body floating face down and then he's up there for a couple seconds and then he gets dragged back down and pulled off." Officers found his body in the water hours later.
Long story, but you had to read the whole thing. Just an amazing display of Darwinism in action. Evolution weeding out the dumbasses, both human and gator alike.
Look, it's obviously pretty clear that Tommie Woodward was not the sharpest bulb in the batch, I mean you go yelling "fuck that alligator" before jumping in to a swamp in which a giant alligator is swimming then yeah, you should probably get eaten. But let's not let this gator off the hook here. I don't care who you are or what creature you claim to be, you DO NOT just go around killing a dude whose best friend is a Texan named "Bear". That's just dumb and ignorant, and your demise is inevitable. Survival of the fittest, homie.
Also, close your eyes for a second. Now I want you to picture Tommie Woodward, a Texas swampland dweller who, in what was seemingly an attempt to get some poon from his swampland female companion, yelled out "fuck that alligator", then proceeded to jump in to a swamp, in which the alligator he was insulting was swimming, and where he was immediately devoured by the scorned gator. Really see that man's face. Now take a moment and then look below:
Is that not the exact man you were picturing? Swamp cowboy hat w/ sunglasses atop, cut off T, stupid tattoo, lip ring, full mouth of tobacco, and is that a keychain earring? Perfect. Now, some of you amateurs out there may have expected more facial hair, but real experts know that when it comes to that level of white trash, you're talking patches and wispy hairs all over the place. Joe Dirt would be proud.
P.S. Big fan of Bear's interview. This was about justice. You take my friends life, I take yours. Again, not to be fucked with you dumb alligator.
P.P.S. Wrote the headline "Double Florida Special", went back, saw it was a Texas story, had my head explode. I mean, I tell you white trash, alligators, guns and swamps, is there any way you don't think Florida?