If the smartphone era has taught us one thing, it's never waste the opportunity for a memorable selfie. It's a lesson that Gilbert Phelps, 20, apparently took both to heart and to social media by taking a selfie with a police officer who was arresting him. Phelps was pulled over for speeding at about 2 a.m. Thursday by Iowa City Police Officer Ben Hektoen, who also noticed the registration sticker was obstructed, according to KCRG.com.
Hektoen said he detected the smell of booze in Phelps' car, and noted that Phelps copped to “smoking marijuana prior to driving.” The suspect allegedly displayed “measurable impairment” during field sobriety tests. Although a Breathalyzer didn't pick up any suds on Phelps' breath, a “certified Drug Recognition Expert” who analyzed him said he was “under the influence of cannabis" and unable to safely operate a motor vehicle, according to a police report.
However, Phelps wasn't impaired enough to stop going viral on social media. During testing, the suspect asked if he could take a selfie with the officer, who "happily obliged," according to CBS 2. Phelps posted the DUI selfie on SnapChat and captioned it with emojis of a police car, a passenger car and a tow truck, according to the Iowa City Press-Citizen. Phelps has been charged with operating while under the influence and is free on bond. he is due in court Aug. 17 for a preliminary hearing.
Sorry for the sorta long break. The Shorts Show had our live show this past weekend and I was busy making sure you jerks were entertained. By the way, thanks for coming if you did, and if you didn't then go fuck yourself... and come to our next show September 12th.
So on to this story. Yeah yeah, the kid's a douche (kinda funny though, sorta dig it in a "fuck the system" kinda way, but still douche) we all know that, but I'm not gonna waste this blog on a chastisement of our current youth's obsession with social media and how it leads to some form of disassociation that makes them all seem like dicks, no. Instead, I wanna talk about this cop in the picture with him. What do we make of that guy? I have two theories:
1) He's actually really funny in a sneaky way because he knows full well that this kid is just gonna look like a little asshole so may as well throw out a cheeseball thumbs up to really drive home the lack of awareness that the kid's showing..... or...
2) ... he's that insufferable asshat cop who tries to be all cool with you while he's writing you your ticket. We've all dealt with that dude. Pulls you over for speeding, cracks jokes and tries to make light of the fact that you now have to pay a shitload of money because of him, tries to make the whole thing just something you'll laugh about and move on from. Hey pal? Doesn't work. Dealing with cops sucks 10 times out of 10, you know it and so do I, so don't try to make this a less terrible experience by "relating" to the normal guy cus it's not happening and I just hate you more.
I want to say it's theory 1 but every experience I've had with cops screams that it's theory 2. And if so, then fuck you, guy. Like don't try to be cool or relatable or funny or whatever. Just be a damn cop, not a dickhead or anything, just a cop who knows his job, understands the way society views him and acts accordingly. This reminds me of that ABSURDLY staged video of that one cop dancing and lipsyncing "Shake It Off" in his car. It's as if the police hired a new PR guy, in light of all the fire they've come under in this past year, who came in and was like, "okay people think you're sort of dicks for being racist and shooting innocent people and what not, so here's what we're gonna do. You, go get in your car, throw on some T Swift and give the fuckin performance of your life. I'm talking vogueing, duck faces, exasperated singing gestures, the works, and film this whole fuckin thing and throw it on Instagram. Boom, half the country back in our pockets. The rest of you, just stay fun and approachable, you know? Let social media be your friend! You arrest a kid for driving while he's high and he wants to take a selfie with you? Absofuckinlutely. Give a thumbs up and let everyone know that 'hey, we're cool with pot, love pot, just like all of you! We just gotta arrest you if you have it cus like, our job and stuff.' Trust me, in a year's time everyone will forget about you guys being a little racist and violent and what not..."
Fast forward to today's headline on HuffPo:
"... Shit..... Okay, wait here's what we do: orchestrate a flash mob dance routine at Rikers with all of the prison guards to entertain the prisoners. Shows them you're all fun first kind of people! No chance that leads to a riot/stabbing scenario..."
Just stop being dicks and do your job and you won't have to worry about giving dumb thumbs up on SnapChat anymore.