Good night, Sweet Prince...
Fuck you, there's spoilers.
Just a sad sad day week to be a GOT fan. Our beloved Hodor, the dimwitted half-giant with a heart the size of a full one, taken from us far too soon*. And in such a fashion that anyone who's been watching for all 6 seasons has to stop and say "uh what the fuck?" for multiple reasons, which we'll get to later. But before we get there, let's look at all the other shenanigans that GRRM laid out for us in this week's edition of the Throne Zone:
THE WALL/MOLE'S TOWN
Fuck yes, Sansa. Make him squirm. Littlefinger doesn't often have to come face to face with the consequences of his scheming, but on Sunday that's exactly what Sansa, who is essentially a living reminder of the only thing he ever loved (Catlyn Stark), made him do. And well done, I say. For as much death and despair as that guy has left in his wake, he shouldn't get to just go about his business without being confronted by his selfish choices. Sansa, who's a certified badass these days, made sure that didn't happen.
Having said that.... those Knights of the Vale would be nice to have when that whole battle for Winterfell goes down, huh? Seems like Sansa and Jonny are a few armies short to Ramsay, so a proven force like the Knights could be useful one would think. Then there's the whole "advice" that Littlefinger leaves Sansa with, telling her to seek out her uncle the Blackfish. Yes, sounds like a good call and a way to gather some more allies, but coming from a Littlefinger who was just denied and basically had his life threatened? That's a grain of salt moment if I've ever seen one. Oh and then she goes and lies about it to J Dawg? Sayin she found out about the Blackfish reforming the Tully's cus of a raven interception back at Winterfell? I hope you know what you're doing, Sansa, cus it seems to me that Littlefinger may have just enough of a hold on you still that shit may go south real quick. Real quick.
.... Again I'll start by saying fuck this place. WHO CARES?! Fuck.
Okay, with that off my chest, let's move forward. We find out that the Iron Islands unshockingly have the worst system of electing a new king in the history of mankind. It seems as if it's a system in which everyone on the island (so like 50 people by looks of it) gathers around, somebody calls out "hey, who wants to be king?" then whoever feels like they're up for it goes "eh... yeah okay I guess I could do that." And the winner is selected through a Westerosi equivalent of an Applause-O-Meter. Basically whoever gets the most people to half-heartedly cheer for him/her wins. Oh and then they top it off by drowning the winner and hoping that he/she doesn't actually die. So that's this place.
Plot points I begrudgingly mention: The psycho brother who murdered the last king told everyone he did that, then said he wanted to be the new king, and also said he was going to sail across the sea and marry Khaleesi and combine her dragons with his fleet to conquer the world. Everyone seemed pretty on board with all of this so it happened. Well everyone except Theon and his sister, who quickly became the next target on the new king's list (he didn't even sort of hide it, it was like his first words after being made king, "hey let's go kill my niece and nephew"), so they decided to steal what looked like the entire current fleet and took off. Hopefully everyone here drowns really soon.
BRAVOS/TEMPLE OF THE FACELESS GOD
Is Arya ready to be a faceless one? Tough to tell, what with her getting a little emotional over watching a real shitty play about the death of her father. On top of that, she doesn't seem ready to fully buy in to the methods of the Faceless God and his whole killing people indiscriminately policy. She seems to think that they should reserve the killing thing for people who deserve it. And you know what? She's right, fuck those people. Arya is like the most just person in this place, squashing that part of her to satisfy some god who just really likes when people die doesn't seem to fit her mold, nor should it if we as fans want her to have an impact on the things going down outside of Bravos. I for one am on the "Get Arya Out Of Bravos" bandwagon, and anyone who wants on can DM me. Nudes welcome.
Also, one last note: last week we saw Arya beat the shit out of that other girl and she was still blind at the time. This week she's got her eyes back and the same girl knocks her out? Da fuck is this shit? GOT, give me some consistency here.
Couple big things going down here. First off, Friend Zone is officially turning in to The Thing from Fantastic 4, and second, a newer, hotter Red Woman is in the building.
Friend Zone probably got the best thing he's ever been able to hope for, and that was a request to have his true self, no lies, no secrets, by Khaleesi's side when shit starts to go down. Oh, one catch, you have to find a cure to that thing that's making you in to a rock guy. Rock guy's can't do much in the upcoming war. So hopefully that happens, cus it would be sweet to see him overcome that shit and have a real say in a battle down the line, but hey if it doesn't, he confessed his love and was met with a pretty great response, so I'd say he could die happy if that's his course. Either way works.
Now as for this Red Woman. Yes please. All sorts of gorgeous/hot/sex/whatever else you want to say going on with her. And her purpose for being there? Oh, just another brilliant move from Tyrion to get the people on his side. Appeal to the religious folk and you'll always have a way to make what you're doing seem great, everyone knows this. Hell, Henry the 8th started a whole new religion just to justify divorce, and people bought it. Still do! Protestantism FTW! So yeah, I think it's a shrewd move to bring this lady in to the fold, and I can only hope that she's as flippant with her attire staying on as another certain Red Woman we all know. Also, she seems to not be full of shit, as we can see by her genuinely shaking Varys with her knowledge of his life and things he could not know. I'm interested to see if that leads to a respect from him or a disdain. Guess we'll find out!
Hey Bran, why don't you hold the fucking door, asshole?! Oh that's right, you're paralyzed and can't do anything other than fuck up people's brains when they're kids and then basically incept them with the idea of their own death. A death which just so happens to save your life, no big deal....
Look, I'm sorry to be so harsh on Bran. He's catching a lot of flack for this whole debacle at the Ice Cave, and rightfully so, his actions directly led to all the terribleness. But let's take a small step back and realize that this trope of "the curious whipper-schnapper disobeying the old geezer who tells him he can't do something" happens in so many stories. The difference here is that it's Game of Thrones, and in Game of Thrones that trope results in the death of the most influential mentor Bran's ever had, an entire species (Children of the Forest) being wiped out, and one of the most lovable characters in the history of the show being killed in brutal fashion. So I can understand everyone's anger here, but realize that a lot of this is just the nature of the show and it's unrelenting ability to always take it way too far. Thanks,GRRM.
Having said that, fucking brilliant, GRRM! Seriously, that's some writing right there. Hodor = Hold The Door?! Fucking A. Of course it does, you magnificent diabetic asshole! Ugh I hate that I love you! So sad and heartbreaking and yet not a single person watching didn't stop and say "damn, that was good..." You've got to tip your hat to the man. Yes, he's a sadist and loves to watch the world burn, but he's the best at lighting that fire that we have ever seen.
Now as for the significance of all of what went down here, let's go bullet point form:
- White Walkers were invented by the Children of the Forest to help them in their war against humans. Fuck the Children of the Forest (and humans for the war, I guess).
- Bran has much more of an effect on the past than we may have previously thought. He basically made Hodor go mad because of his worging. Couple other people have gone mad in this world... coincidence? I think not. A good friend and colleague, Mr. Corey Scott Rutledge (founder and creator of the Shorts Show, ever heard of it?) posits the theory that either the 3 Eyed Raven or Bran had a direct influence on the Mad King and essentially started all dis shit, and after seeing how Bran boggled up Hodor's mind this week, I believe old CSR is on to something. Could be the call of the season, we shall see.
- White Walker and Army of White's movement speed makes literally no sense at all. Getting to The Wall? 5 seasons worth of time. Getting to this random Ice Cave in god know's where the fuck? 5 minutes. Uh, what? Unless Bran and co. were in a cave literally right behind the White Walkers, this concept of time is ludicrous. I mean the scene was badass and very important, but what the fuck? Why can they get there so fast but they seem to be lost on their way down to The Wall? Something about it really annoys me...
Here's a video of the behind the scenes for Hodor's death which is super sad. Watch it and feel:
So that was it for this week. BIG week in what's been the best season so far episode to episode. I think we can all say that. Tune in next week to break down what is sure to be another emotional roller coaster that hopefully features the breasts of the newest Red Woman. Buh Bye.
* It was indeed too soon for Hodor, simply cus he was the man, but let's be honest. Was that the big bombshell of a character death that will shake us to the core? No. The presentation of it was perfect and heartbreaking, but still, this is just GRRM and the Dan's setting us up for the big fall. I've been saying it every week, this season has been too nice. Good things can't stop happening, and no way is the death of Hodor going to be the worst thing we'll have to deal with. Brace yourselves, folks. I think the downfall is rapidly approaching.