Well folks, we were due for one of these. A good ole exposition episode. Lots of information going on, not much in the way of action. But, true to this season's form, for an expository episode it was a damn good one. Lots of things going on, lots of things getting setup for some crazy shit to go down, lots of people putting their names in the "you're probably gonna die soon" hat. So let's get in to this shit:
NORTH OF THE WALL
Well we didn't get any J Snow or Sansa action, so guess we gotta go to the second most interesting place right now, the north north. Bran and the girl who's voice murdered Hodor are unsurprisingly not putting much distance between themselves and the white walkers. Turns out carrying a 6'0" tall teenage boy who's in a coma on a wheelbarrow through the snow isn't the most efficient way to travel. But just when the dead ones show up to finish the job, a blast from the past decides it's time to get some more face time on camera. Benjin Stark, back in business and equipped with a sweet ass swinging ball of fire, saving the day at the last second.
Now what the fuck has this guy been doing for 5 seasons? No clue really, but we learn that the search party he was a part of when last we saw him met up with some white walkers and it didn't go great. He was stabbed and left for dead, until the Children of the Forest saved him with dragon glass (I guess? was sorta hazy on that whole thing). That's all we're really getting for now but clearly the Three-Eyed Raven had something in mind for Benjin and made sure he was kept alive. There are some wild theories going around about what exactly is in store for Bran, and if you're not up to speed on any I would suggest looking them up, but I'll just say that things just continuously saving Bran's ass definitely supports some of these ideas. Particularly the one that says Bran is essentially Neo. Hope this storyline lives up to what it's setting up cus it sounds awesome.
Ohhh shit! Didn't see that shit coming. King Bitch Boy and the High Sparrow, best friends and joint rulers of the 7 kingdoms. So what the hell happened here? Let's look at all the possibilities.
For starters, clearly Margeary is playing the game here, and figured her best way out of this nightmare was to get Tommen on the Sparrow's side, saving her own ass in the process. No way she was doin that walk of shame. But she didn't seem to have any idea that Jamie and her parents were planning on coming in and saving the day. Had she known, I don't think she would've pulled the trigger on this plan. She would much prefer to see the Sparrow's head on a stick, but once her plan was in action she couldn't stop it. Bummer, cus I was down to see some idiot sparrows chopped down.
But we've got some loose ends here. For one, Jamie is apparently banished, by his own son no less. He wants to go rogue at first, which would've been sweet to see, but Cersei stepped in and tells him to go lead the Lannister army, which also sounds sweet so I'm good with that. Also, the biggest loose end here, we don't know what the fuck Tommen told Cersei last episode. We know he shared what the Sparrow told him, but we didn't hear what it was and since then we haven't gotten much of a read on Cersei's real intentions. So I'm gonna go ahead and posit this theory: I think Cersei planted this plan in Tommen's ears. I think she told him to befriend the High Sparrow so that they can get even closer to him and destroy the Faith, and the Tyrell's (!), from the inside.
We know Tommen feels incredibly guilty for what his mother went through, and that he desires to be "strong" like she is. Read: manipulative, scheming and terrifying. I think that Tommen found out from the High Sparrow that the Tyrell's had a hand in his brother Joffrey's death and then he went and told his mom that, so she came up with this crazy plan and only Tommen is in on it. Now Tommen has the full trust of both the High Sparrow and his queen, and the Lannister's have just the foothold they need to tear down both. Think about it, was Cersei even that upset when she heard what happened? Her conversation with Jamie was somewhat positive and hopeful, in a situation where we'd expect her to be devastated by her son betraying her yet again. And what other situation would have made Jamie leave and go get the Lannister army? He's been pretty set on staying by her side and she knows that, so get him banished and hopefully he'll get his shit together and get their family's army in line. It also would be a good turn for Tommen who so far has been nothing but weak. If this is just him playing the game the way his family is capable of then look out world, we got a new generation of Lannister connivery.
She didn't do it! We all knew Arya couldn't pull the trigger on killing an innocent, and we were right. Can't be having her actually abandoning all sense of self and just becoming a faceless servant to a weird death god. She's too badass for that. So now she's taking her training on the road and hopefully getting after that list again.
Oh yeah, that other girl that trains with the faceless guy? She's trying to kill Arya now. So that's a thing. But we've seen Arya beat the shit out of that girl before, and hopefully she will again. It's worth mentioning we've also seen that other girl beat the shit out of Arya, so here's to hopin that GOT doesn't have a classic GOT moment and unceremoniously kill off a fan favorite for making a potentially poor choice. Would love to see Arya be the one to stab Walder Frey in the face. And speakin of Walder Frey...
That fuckin guy is back, and apparently not doing so great. His army is getting beaten all over the map, his sons seem to be back talking him quite a bit, and he seems to be taking the smart route of "fuck you, fuck everything, let's kill everyone even though we can't", which always seems to work out in this world. Again, would love to see Arya shove Needle in to his old ugly eyeballs.
Up river a bit (or down, or across, who fucking knows) is the House Tully of Riverrun! A charming place with really nice people, and the home to the loveable Sam. Sammy boy is dropping off his bae and their baby to chill for a while, and everything seems like it's gonna work out great. Right up until dinner, then shit starts getting real awkward. We've all sat there at some friend's table while their parents' reemed them out for something, and it's super weird to sit through. Well this was that times a billion. Starting off with a hard fat slam, then ending with a stone cold banishment. Not the welcome home meal you're looking for if you're Sam. But, unlike our pussy ass theoretical friend, Sam didn't take it lying down. Homeboy decides to grow a pair, grab his girl and his cute AF baby, steal his dickhead dad's sword and peace on out of there. No clue what sort of repercussions this will be bring about, but I for one say well done, Sam. That dad was such a douche it was sweet to see Sam get back at him in a way you know is gonna hurt. Hopefully it just doesn't lead to Sam's demise...
Okay these speeches are getting a little old, right? I mean they're always epic, and I LOVE Khaleesi just as much as the next person, but how many show ending rallying speeches from Dany are we gonna see? It's like stop giving me speeches and start killing some mother fuckers. The showrunners must know this. They must be trying to exhaust these speeches for some reason, and the only logical one is that it's setting up for a bit of a downfall for Dany. Not like a straight up divebomb, but I wouldn't be shocked if we start seeing her making some slightly less popular moves. Things that will humanize her a bit, and not in a positive way. I just think this show is great at making everyone good and bad, and we haven't seen too much in the way of bad for Dany. This could be the start of her making some questionable calls.
But yeah, seeing that dragon full grown was badass as hell.
So that's it for this week. Not much on the excitement scale but good shit getting set up. Come back next week for what is sure to be a crazy time on the Throne Zone.